Sometimes, we are unable to stick with our self-care practices. For whatever reason - life changes, sickness, boredom, depression, new relationships - stepping away can provide an opportunity to reframe our unique individual needs and return to practice with tools that align with our current inner self.

During grad school, I struggled with self-care when many of my strategies and tools were no longer possible. It was impactful. My anxiety went up, and my self-esteem went down.  One of these was using essential oils and aromatherapy.  Scent is a powerful tool which connects with memories, emotions and body sensations. I found a lot of comfort in certain scents, and I also found a lot of relief from regular headaches and migraines.

Being the people pleaser that I am, I bent over backwards to accommodate this change. I went all in. I avoided essential oils, especially if I had class the next day. I no longer went into stores that had essential oils being diffused. I even changed my hygiene routine!

It took me some time to recognize how distressed I was, how I often sacrifice my needs for others, and how frayed my boundaries were. I am grateful for the experience as it helped me realize that I allowed my boundaries to be hacked, openly and willingly.

Finding the balance between what others needed and learning to be ok with putting myself first is an ongoing learning process. It takes courage and practice. It is the ultimate balance of your needs and the needs of others.

I can now say that I am embracing essential oils and aromatherapy again. This time, on my own terms, and being mindful of choosing who influences my decisions and who doesn’t. We all have to make adjustments and tweaks from time to time. For me, what has been most important has been rediscovering my boundaries and beginning to find my authentic voice. For more on saying yes to yourself, read Balancing Rest and Responsibility.

Self-Care, Boundaries, and People-Pleasing in Therapy

Self-care is often presented as something pleasant and easy — a bath, a candle, a face mask. But real self-care often requires the harder work of setting boundaries, saying no, and putting your own needs first. For people-pleasers, this can feel deeply uncomfortable. In therapy, we explore where people-pleasing patterns come from, how they show up in your daily life, and what it would look like to honour your own needs without guilt. This is some of the most transformative work I see in my practice — the moment when someone realizes that taking care of themselves is not selfish, it is essential.

If boundaries and self-care are themes you are working through, book a consultation to explore how counselling can support you.

Until next time,

- Bethany

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If boundaries and self-care feel like things you know you need but cannot quite get to, therapy can help you close that gap. Book a free consultation and let's figure out where to start.

Disclaimer: This blog is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or medical advice. If you need support, please consult a licensed mental health professional.